Not Getting to Do the “Typical” Mom Things
Back when Rich and I were still trying to conceive, two of my best friends got pregnant, both with little girls. My sister-in-law also had a baby that year.
Of course, I was happy for all of them, but I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that their pregnancies filled me with mixed emotions as I waited for a baby of my own. I even hosted baby showers for them—and I’m glad I did—but believe me, it was not the easiest thing to do.
When Rich and I started the adoption process, I thought about all the “typical” new mom things my friends were getting to experience, and how my journey would be different. I wouldn’t get that moment of learning my baby’s gender in the doctor’s office. I wouldn’t get to throw a gender reveal party for our family and friends. Rich and I wouldn’t get that moment of telling our loved ones the big news in quite the same way.
We also wouldn’t get the typical baby shower. Now, some adoptive moms do have baby showers before their babies come home, and I think that’s wonderful. I just knew that I couldn’t handle it myself. If a birth mom changed her mind, I knew my heart wouldn’t be able to handle the pain of knowing that we had just celebrated a few weeks before. I didn’t want to get my hopes up until a baby was in our arms and we knew he or she was ours forever.
So, instead of the typical baby shower, I celebrated by having a “sip and see” after I brought my babies home. A “sip and see” is a baby shower with a twist. It’s the same gathering of family and friends, and the same kind of celebration. But at this shower, you actually get to see and hold the baby in your arms.
I had “sip and sees” for all three of my babies. My sister, family, and close friends threw my first “sip and see” for Lakelyn and there were lots of tears of joy and thankfulness. The shower was beautiful, but I still joke about it because everyone bought her fancy clothes and over-the-top bows, none of the practical stuff. We had to run to the store after the shower to get more diapers and bottles because we were still stocking up on the necessities!
My son Trice’s “sip and see” had a rustic feel. My sister brought a globe and wrote on it, “Trice, our world is better with you in it.” It still sits in his bedroom today. Trice was only a little over four pounds at the time, so I didn’t let many people hold him at the party, but he was still showered with so much love on that special day. We have books filled with letters and notes that were gifted to him and that tell him how much of a blessing he is.
My youngest daughter Violet’s “sip and see” was a beautiful tea luncheon. She wore the sweetest little bonnet, and all my friends and family who had been with me along the way were there to shower us both with love on that special day.
Looking back, I don’t feel like I missed out on any of the new mom things my friends had. My “sip and sees” still gave me the opportunity to sit in a room surrounded by those who have prayed with me, cried with me, listened to me, and loved me throughout my adoption journey.
My hope for you is that you celebrate how YOU want to celebrate. There isn’t a normal how-to when it comes to being an adoptive parent. Do what makes you feel the most comfortable and the readiest to welcome your new baby into your home and your life. Know your support system is going to be there for you no matter what.
If you want a baby shower before your baby comes home, do it. If something happens and plans change or the birth mom changes her mind, then pack up the gifts and put them in a guest room. Or, have a room ready for a home study. Be prepared for the unexpected and try to stay positive.
If you’re like me and the thought of a baby shower beforehand is too overwhelming, that’s okay too! Just wait a few weeks until after your baby is home. Your family and friends will provide for you. God will provide for you. Don’t worry about the stereotypical things and what you do or don’t get to do. Just enjoy the unique and special moments coming your way. Trust me. They’re the real joy of parenthood.