Telling Friends and Family
When Rich and I first started telling our friends and family that we were going to adopt, sadly not everyone was on board. Many of them were worried for us, and all of them had questions and concerns.
What if there’s something wrong with the baby?
How will you handle a baby that doesn’t look like you?
What will people say?
Hearing their concerns was hard because it only made us worry about our decision. Had we made a mistake? Was something terrible and terrifying waiting for us? I knew our loved ones meant well, but a lot of them didn’t realize the severity of our fertility struggles. They didn’t know the pain we’d already been through, how long it had lasted, our deep desire to become parents, or the strength we felt of God’s calling to adopt.
Finally, I just told them matter-of-factly: “Okay, here's what's happening. We're adopting. You can either love us and pray for us right here, or you can love us from over there and talk about us with everybody else.” While I don’t think their concerns went away, at least now they knew that Rich and I were serious.
Maybe you haven’t told your family yet that you plan to adopt. Or, maybe you have and they weren’t 100% on board. Guess what? That’s okay! Just add it to your prayer list.
The key is to stay excited about what’s ahead, even when it feels like no one is there to support you. Lean on your spouse or a close friend, and find someone you can vent to who can comfort you with their words. You’re going to need it because, believe me, there will be that one person who says something that reminds you just how hard this process is going to be.
In fact, a few years ago, someone said to me: “You’ve got this mom thing figured out!”
I thought this person was about to pay me a compliment, but then she said, laughing, “You don’t have to grow a belly, wait nine months, or deal with stretch marks! Good for you!”
I know she didn’t mean any harm (and I think, in her own way, she thought she was saying something nice), but it still devastated me to hear those words. When my sister, Ali, saw me a few minutes later, she said: “You look like you’re either about to burst into tears or rip someone’s head off!” And that’s exactly how I felt. I was crushed.
Trust me, I’ve experienced plenty of hormones—maybe not from pregnancy, but definitely from all those fertility treatments that never worked. And what I wouldn’t give to have stretch marks as a sign of the strength of carrying my amazing babies.
Here’s my question for you. Is adoption frightening at times? Yes. Will people make comments that will be hard to swallow? Yes. That is why it’s so important to build your confidence in Him. Pray for your ears to hear only the encouraging words you need to grow your family. Words to guard your heart and your strength to find His road to the baby or child He has chosen just for you.
This is no time for basing your life on what everyone else thinks or says. Don’t let them scare you into procrastination. This is the time to listen to God and not the world.